Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
