i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
is that a dick in a sweater?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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