Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
