Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
