it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
