all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
