clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
