the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
