Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
