I must be too annoying 4 u.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
