someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize