Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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