a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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