Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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