dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
