im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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