I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
