Ambien. No doubt about it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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