Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
another moral hangover. fuck.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize