My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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