Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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