It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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