I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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