I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
