So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
