all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
