The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize