He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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