hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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