what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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