I have demons in me.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
