i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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