it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
