Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
