Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
