foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
