My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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