I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize