Little spoons don't ask big questions
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize