He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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