non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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