I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
