The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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