I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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