oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
