Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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