1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
