So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
