Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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