Swine flu. Run for my life!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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