nutella sex= disaster
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
