im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
