Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
