Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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