I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
