3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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