After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
