There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
