walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize