Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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