i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
