Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
