I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
