highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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