Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
