My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
